So yeah, it's me on a Friday evening at home, blogging away. Boring.
Anyway, I just got friend's request from facebook. A secondary friend that I almost forgot I've ever had. Fact is, we were not good friends and she's really a bitch during that time. Not that she's a bitch to me, but she's a bitch when need be.
I, being the goody-two-shoes (in disguise), never really appreciate her trying to gossip and stir things up like a witch.
So, guess what, she's married to an American, and living the happily ever after life in Europe. God damn it, she even speaks a foreign language now, well in facebook. Very impressive, seems that she is really leading a high life in Europe now. Nothing much to say, except, well, looking at her photos, I still couln't help but see the normal Singaporean girl in her, despite the caucasians and surrounding classiness.
Not that is bad, is just nice, and it seems that everything can change, including the place you are in, but you will always be you. Be it plain or bitchy. Good luck and wish you happily married. :)
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
我到底是真好人還是假好心
今天去了R的家裏，和她的室友聊了幾句。結果她就說其實像我這樣好心的人對真正的朋友和對你好的人是一種傷害，因爲他們就不能夠了解你的回報都是一樣的，就算是不是特別對你好的，你也是一樣的nice。 因爲這樣子，可能關係親密的朋友也會漸漸疏遠了。
最重要的是，自己的時間很寶貴不可能每一次都把自己的時間都讓給別人，有一天，自己累了，想要給自己休息的時間都被用了，然後就會有累的一天，犧牲了寶貴的時間就是浪費了。 如果有一天已經累了，不想再對每一個人都這麽好，而平常的volunteer沒有辦法再繼續下去了，反而就變成是自己的錯了。因爲別人已經習慣了你的好，把它當成是理所當然的了。到那個時候，就算是想說不，都是自己的錯了。
有些時候，我真的是累了。但是不會拒絕，然後就告訴自己無所謂。雖然她說的都是有道理，但是我就是沒有辦法說不。而且連有些讓對方方便的東西，讓自己不方便的事情，也都變成了理所當然，是應該的責任。而這樣，就更自覺沒有權利說不。
其實我想我應該是不在乎的，反而就算沒有回報，也不覺得痛失什麽。對時間，我沒有概念。對金錢，我不特別計較。而和人的關係，也好像都一樣。可能就是這樣子的不在乎，讓我覺得什麽都ok。也許有些時候我會覺得不值得，不過從來都不會因爲這樣子就說出拒絕朋友的要求，過了一些時候，也就忘了。
這樣子不是好心或好人，因爲根本就不在乎，或者説是假好心吧。也許這就像是一種投資，用時間與金錢來換取友情，購買友誼。如果沒有相對的友誼，自然的也就不會再對對方做出這樣子的犧牲了，也不會對對方特別好了吧。我相信，像我這樣子的‘朋友’，對每個人都特別的好，不過相對的，也得到了我想要的。被別人佔便宜，也是自己人。沒有什麽問題的。如果真正的朋友，是不會計較對我特別好而沒有得到特別好‘待遇’。
最重要的是，自己的時間很寶貴不可能每一次都把自己的時間都讓給別人，有一天，自己累了，想要給自己休息的時間都被用了，然後就會有累的一天，犧牲了寶貴的時間就是浪費了。 如果有一天已經累了，不想再對每一個人都這麽好，而平常的volunteer沒有辦法再繼續下去了，反而就變成是自己的錯了。因爲別人已經習慣了你的好，把它當成是理所當然的了。到那個時候，就算是想說不，都是自己的錯了。
有些時候，我真的是累了。但是不會拒絕，然後就告訴自己無所謂。雖然她說的都是有道理，但是我就是沒有辦法說不。而且連有些讓對方方便的東西，讓自己不方便的事情，也都變成了理所當然，是應該的責任。而這樣，就更自覺沒有權利說不。
其實我想我應該是不在乎的，反而就算沒有回報，也不覺得痛失什麽。對時間，我沒有概念。對金錢，我不特別計較。而和人的關係，也好像都一樣。可能就是這樣子的不在乎，讓我覺得什麽都ok。也許有些時候我會覺得不值得，不過從來都不會因爲這樣子就說出拒絕朋友的要求，過了一些時候，也就忘了。
這樣子不是好心或好人，因爲根本就不在乎，或者説是假好心吧。也許這就像是一種投資，用時間與金錢來換取友情，購買友誼。如果沒有相對的友誼，自然的也就不會再對對方做出這樣子的犧牲了，也不會對對方特別好了吧。我相信，像我這樣子的‘朋友’，對每個人都特別的好，不過相對的，也得到了我想要的。被別人佔便宜，也是自己人。沒有什麽問題的。如果真正的朋友，是不會計較對我特別好而沒有得到特別好‘待遇’。
Friday, October 30, 2009
明天，睡到爽. 別人的事情，不管. 繼續糜爛墮落，反正是周末. 就算是浪費生命，也是對周日過渡工作的自己一種慰勞.
家裏亂地像被打槍幾回了，但是沒有人來，亂了也只給自己看. 然後說: ''狗窩就要要有狗窩的樣子嘛''. 繼續放縱自己的懶惰... 理所當然.
迷惘，就算不嗑葯都已經是呈現半混沌狀，每天過著沒有記憶的時間，今天和昨天一樣，明天也應該不會有太大的不同. 方正時間與青春都是不知覺地在流逝，偶爾回首過去的光陰，只要欺騙自己已經盡力了, 就不會有遺憾.
然後以後的每一天，告訴自己積極，卻又讓現實成了惰性的藉口.
我的人生，你的人生，每天在找尋，活著的意義，呼吸的理由. 清晨的陽光是那樣的刺眼，對愛困的眼睛是一種折磨，卻是對心裏呼喚生命又從新的開始了.
家裏亂地像被打槍幾回了，但是沒有人來，亂了也只給自己看. 然後說: ''狗窩就要要有狗窩的樣子嘛''. 繼續放縱自己的懶惰... 理所當然.
迷惘，就算不嗑葯都已經是呈現半混沌狀，每天過著沒有記憶的時間，今天和昨天一樣，明天也應該不會有太大的不同. 方正時間與青春都是不知覺地在流逝，偶爾回首過去的光陰，只要欺騙自己已經盡力了, 就不會有遺憾.
然後以後的每一天，告訴自己積極，卻又讓現實成了惰性的藉口.
我的人生，你的人生，每天在找尋，活著的意義，呼吸的理由. 清晨的陽光是那樣的刺眼，對愛困的眼睛是一種折磨，卻是對心裏呼喚生命又從新的開始了.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
...
秋天的一個星期六，中午12.56分. FB裏online的都是新加坡的朋友, 紐約的人好像都出去了,儘管天氣有點陰霾. 想著等一會兒要開車去紐約還是坐公車, 好像都拿不定主意... 煩. 呆在家裏寂寞,有人約又懶得出門... 真是矛盾.
好害怕冬天又是自己一個人. 但是好像來到這裡之後從來就是一個人, 可能是少了溫度, 渴望有人的體溫讓自己覺得溫暖一點吧. 夏天的寂寞可以走在街上漫無目的地晃過, 冬天就只能呆在家裏看著電視慢慢熬過.
不知道今年的冬天會不會像去年一樣, 以爲自己的愛情, 在約會三次之後就揮手而去,連個解釋都沒有. 然後時間慢慢過去之後就告訴自己是寂寞產生愛情的錯覺, 因爲畢竟從來就沒有很認識對方. 然後尋找下一個目標.
冬天是一年的總結,在冷冷的天氣裏想著自己的一切. 好像都沒有什麽作爲. sigh. That's why I do not like winter, although I am trying hard to make it different this year.
好害怕冬天又是自己一個人. 但是好像來到這裡之後從來就是一個人, 可能是少了溫度, 渴望有人的體溫讓自己覺得溫暖一點吧. 夏天的寂寞可以走在街上漫無目的地晃過, 冬天就只能呆在家裏看著電視慢慢熬過.
不知道今年的冬天會不會像去年一樣, 以爲自己的愛情, 在約會三次之後就揮手而去,連個解釋都沒有. 然後時間慢慢過去之後就告訴自己是寂寞產生愛情的錯覺, 因爲畢竟從來就沒有很認識對方. 然後尋找下一個目標.
冬天是一年的總結,在冷冷的天氣裏想著自己的一切. 好像都沒有什麽作爲. sigh. That's why I do not like winter, although I am trying hard to make it different this year.
Friday, October 23, 2009
My Winter Resolution
So, I have decided to set another resolution after my many years ago of achievement. I call it the winter resolution 2009. To learn ice-skating by this winter!.. dang dang dang....~~ Did not dare to write it in another blog for the fear of failing and publicly made known to my friends, but I think I have already said to enough friends offline. Still, another one hopefully is to find someone I really love, although I must say this is 可遇不可求.
My friend has said that if I try to be more proactive, then there is a higher chance of success. Do not know about that, but wonder if this 'try really hard' works, why are there still so many people who cannot find true love and fails once too many times to capture the heart of their love ones and find their 'happily ever after'?
So this one fine day, and the successive 3 days, I met this guy at the canteen and we did a little bit of chat. He is kinda cute, and the 3rd time I saw him my heart gave way and pumped a little bit too fast. Strange that I did not feel it the first 2 times I saw him. Unfortunately I never did see him again, although I did want to for his name.
Thinking back, I think it was kinda unnecessary, maybe it will be love, maybe it will not be. If it is meant to be, the next time I see him, I will ask for his name then. But for now, I will leave it. Peace.
This season is so romantic I feel that is time for love.
My friend has said that if I try to be more proactive, then there is a higher chance of success. Do not know about that, but wonder if this 'try really hard' works, why are there still so many people who cannot find true love and fails once too many times to capture the heart of their love ones and find their 'happily ever after'?
So this one fine day, and the successive 3 days, I met this guy at the canteen and we did a little bit of chat. He is kinda cute, and the 3rd time I saw him my heart gave way and pumped a little bit too fast. Strange that I did not feel it the first 2 times I saw him. Unfortunately I never did see him again, although I did want to for his name.
Thinking back, I think it was kinda unnecessary, maybe it will be love, maybe it will not be. If it is meant to be, the next time I see him, I will ask for his name then. But for now, I will leave it. Peace.
This season is so romantic I feel that is time for love.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Day of My Life, Just Another Episode on Driving
I don't even know where or how to begin this. 2 tickets in 2 weeks, one speeding, the other, parking.
I am speechless. Condolences to myself and I suspect I am not even going to get the full license after all this. I guess my luck with driving has been used up, after driving a maximum of 95 miles per hour on the highway and average of around 85 miles per hour throughout the whole 8-hour journey.
Like seriously, I never really expect my life to be like that. Given that I am a control freak. Things changed after coming over here and I guess I gave myself a little too much leeway and got comfortable with the devil inside acting out the thoughts and stuff.
Oh well, just another day of trying to make some drama out of the mundane life I guess.
On all this, lesson learnt is to speed carefully (speeding ticket) and do not be forgetful to drop that few quarters (parking ticket).
One thing I should say to be lucky is probably the cops did not do a breath analyzer test on me. I guess that is the last bit of luck left in me that is used up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)