Revelation

I'm smoking in front of the balcony on a beautiful 70 degrees Sunday... Gotta get some workout later on, go to the city for a concert in the evening and hoping to get a date to go with me...

I think I have gotten over it. And, one thing for sure, I love staying in the States. Not so much the city, but because I saw a couple of green birds flying happily across the street and then some jumping squirrels on the trees. Weird. As much as Singapore is a great and clean city, it is seldom where I still see a part of nature that blends with it. Trees were planted, but even this closest thing to nature was carefully controlled by the government, because space is just too precious in the city-state.

So anyway, set aside the inspiration of flying birds, greedy squirrels running around. The space and freedom that I feel constantly after living here for 2 years, tells me that this is what I've always wanted. At least in a few years down the road, I'm not ready to go back.

My heart's been somewhat broken with the girl I dated 2 times recently.. She still has not called. I am slowly letting go and pursing someone else more worthy. I see life as it comes and I want to work hard to live the way I want.

I hope by the time I'm 30 (which is pretty soon!), I want to be more confident than who I am now, not losing the goodness of what I have, but more confident in telling people who I really am. Who cares if I smoke more than I used, who cares if I'm just checking out girls with beautiful faces and sexy asses, who cares if I'm also into younger women.

If this is called sorted out, then I think at this moment, I'm happy... before I see myself going into another period of 'shittiness' and feel I'm not worthy of the world; at least I know I can handle life's challenges and be happy after that again.

Revelation does not come like a bolt of lightning that strikes you, or that ray of sun coming out from the cloudy sky. It is slow and gradual, sometimes you work your shit out, then sometimes you don't. But every single step that you take overcoming everyday is towards knowing who you really, what you really want. This is wisdom, I think. And that, comes with age and time.

Random

I saw you,
through my window to your balcony.
You were smoking alone. Smiling,
Probably at some thoughts that you were having.

I don't know you, but for the moment,
I thought I saw your barest soul, when
you are all alone, smoking by the balcony.

I saw you,
and I know that you smoke 2 cigarettes in the
late evening consecutively.
Sometimes you look out over to the sky.
I looked up, and saw the same stars.

I saw you,
through my window to your balcony.
and I know that you are lonely,
for you were smiling, and wiping tears
off your face.

I don't know you,
but for the moment, I saw your loneliness,
and I share the same feelings that you are
all alone, fragile, and as naked like you were
born to this earth.

I saw you,
and I know, you have friends and parties.
But after all that's gone, you were smoking
alone at the balcony.

Sometimes I think you looked straight at me,
and I towards you.
But we both share the comfort and safety
of the distance between us.
Comfortable enough, to look straight at each other,
and probably share a smile too.

The comfort, of probably knowing at the other side of the building,
somone, sharing a moment in time, and the two souls touched.

找到讓自己熱衷的事情

對某件事情很熱衷是什麽樣的心情？ 前些天看到朋友在facebook寫了一些泡咖啡的器皿， 感覺到了她對咖啡的鍾愛，就像她的另一個朋友說的coffee nerd，那種熱愛，已經達到了‘宅’的境界。。

其實沒什麽不好，對於自己喜歡的東西和興趣，花時間，精力，金錢投注其中，也樂在其中。 我想，那種快樂的滿足感就是一種對自己所付出的慰勞吧。 這樣子的人生，才能算是過的有意義吧？不需要對人交待，完全了解自己的想要的，從中得到樂趣。就算是簡單的小事情也是有意義的。

找得到可以讓自己投注熱情的人事物，是幸福的。讓自己這麽簡單的執著就好。