Too deep in thoughts about nothingness

Perhaps that's what I have always been painfully fearful about. That one day, I would realize, after years of life passed, the truth about myself and what I have been desperately searching for are what I already have known. Yet I would have, by then, wasted all the precious time, the precious life searching for it.

I hope that time and space itself would have mercy on me to provide a combination of situation, of which I would call that a miracle, to present the truth of life and living it to me soon enough that I do not feel the time have taken too much away from life itself. It is indeed strange, to explain feelings I've felt that probably did not fit into the vocabulary I have learned. It is perhaps, even stranger, to learn of words that expresses feelings and emotions, and try to learn certain emotions that emerges from the heart and to put that word of description as it is. How is it, to truly understand, what the words describes should be exactly of what I am feeling? Is it that, what I am feeling right now, is melancholy emptiness? Of something that is sad, or sorrowful and of confusion? How is this described? Or will it be that the common understanding of words would be so powerful to have another being learn and feel what you are feeling exactly? Or would it be the body that will somehow tell another body of the feelings and that, would somehow make another being feel the exact same emotions of sadness, happiness, emptiness and loneliness?

What should it be now? To search for truth in life, to learn words for the feelings, and to understand, this feeling of emptiness and of loss to nowhere? It's like the heart is out there, somewhere, too vast to even know directions and where to begin and to even understand that there should be a ending? Is it this that I am trying to find? Or is it this that have found me and put me where I am now, leaving time and space to slowly take away life itself till the very end? Life is going to end, and that, if is the truth of life and living itself, what is the meaning of searching to something that is already presented at my very face?