So we went to Brooklyn's famous Burger place. Ordered beer and each had 2. Then to work out the alcohol before I drive her home, we started talking and acting crazy (slightly). Obviously, she's a very self-controlled person just like me. No matter how much we drink, we never get wasted and unconscious or even to the point of we don't know what happened. But still, we talked crazy. All the F words came out of her mouth freely, she speaks rudely, and talked about almost about anything. Which is not very usual of her.
She got close and mentioned something that she knew about me which I didn't tell her. I challenged her, but got afraid of it myself. Yes, I was sober, though acting weird and stuff, I was still watching and listening to whatever she was saying. So, she said she knew something about me. In the end she didn't say what it was.
It made me felt creepy scared. Not scared out of my shit, just thought that probably I might have given away myself as a bi-sexual somehow or the other. Because while we were drinking some bad coffee and I smoking, we discussed about homosexuality being illegal in my home country. She's like, what? Are you kidding me? I don't think I can live in this country! There's no freedom! Why should you care about other people's sexual preference and labeling them as illegal!! That's so wrong~...
So I responded.. ah well, you never knew, so now you know what kinda place I lived in. I felt that I never fitted (in general) from where I came from, so that was one of the reason why I think that NY is much better...
After this episode, I told her that I wonder how different would we be if we got really drunk and wasted.. etc. etc... She said that I don't know her and don't know what she can do or say. I didn't say anything. Suddenly she said that she knew the other side of me. I was like... what? What do you know about me? She said, things... Oh well, I know... even though you've never said it. She was slight tipsy, but not I. And I wasn't prepared to tell her anything at all, at least not tell her that I probably would kiss her right on the spot if I finished a 3rd beer.
I kept quiet and walked along, wondering what about that she knew of me. I suddenly remembered the Friday evening, did she saw me with another girl holding hands walking down the streets? I don't know. I am kinda excited to dig out the answer (partially to the thought that she might be the same as me) but yet afraid to do anything further. Call me a coward, but I am not ready to tell someone who is too close to the life and social circle that I hold dear to. If she ever tells anybody, I am pretty sure that 3rd party would be from home country and soon the news would spread. Just like it did the last time for tobacco.
Naturally, at the same time, I really couldn't help but wonder if she is either bicurious or bisexual. Which leaves me to the wildest imagination that I knew would never be able know, that is, if it is ever true.
Well, I don't know if whatever she thinks about me is what I assumed, but the atmosphere was so weird that I couldn't take the pressure and decided to escape from it, yet disappointed again at my own self and hopelessly wished that if I do it again, the result might just be a sweet surprise for me. Sigh. I am just not a risk-taker, even with the devils' drink.
* Friends or couples?*
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