Revelation

I'm smoking in front of the balcony on a beautiful 70 degrees Sunday... Gotta get some workout later on, go to the city for a concert in the evening and hoping to get a date to go with me...

I think I have gotten over it. And, one thing for sure, I love staying in the States. Not so much the city, but because I saw a couple of green birds flying happily across the street and then some jumping squirrels on the trees. Weird. As much as Singapore is a great and clean city, it is seldom where I still see a part of nature that blends with it. Trees were planted, but even this closest thing to nature was carefully controlled by the government, because space is just too precious in the city-state.

So anyway, set aside the inspiration of flying birds, greedy squirrels running around. The space and freedom that I feel constantly after living here for 2 years, tells me that this is what I've always wanted. At least in a few years down the road, I'm not ready to go back.

My heart's been somewhat broken with the girl I dated 2 times recently.. She still has not called. I am slowly letting go and pursing someone else more worthy. I see life as it comes and I want to work hard to live the way I want.

I hope by the time I'm 30 (which is pretty soon!), I want to be more confident than who I am now, not losing the goodness of what I have, but more confident in telling people who I really am. Who cares if I smoke more than I used, who cares if I'm just checking out girls with beautiful faces and sexy asses, who cares if I'm also into younger women.

If this is called sorted out, then I think at this moment, I'm happy... before I see myself going into another period of 'shittiness' and feel I'm not worthy of the world; at least I know I can handle life's challenges and be happy after that again.

Revelation does not come like a bolt of lightning that strikes you, or that ray of sun coming out from the cloudy sky. It is slow and gradual, sometimes you work your shit out, then sometimes you don't. But every single step that you take overcoming everyday is towards knowing who you really, what you really want. This is wisdom, I think. And that, comes with age and time.