Yup, I think I am in a desperado mode. Again. Probably just like some kind of animals that are overdue for the mating season, or rather too eager for the mating season to start.
So, I again spent monies on a dating (different) website, of which, I pessimistically do not see any potential of getting a successful date. This time, the reason was simply the girls out that are too good-looking and way out of the typical stereotype. So, is this the human nature of being suspicious of things when it is too good to be true?
I think it is. So, I now think twice about sending an email because I got too nervous and did not want to sound desperado. This probably triggered my inferiority complex and the more I think I belong to one of the stereotype old woman who are weirdos than being normal, and they are all too good for me thus will not be bothered with whatever pervert emails I send them. Me and me own overly-done act out scenario....
Weird old woman.... Well age does mean something to me, I guess. I hope I will stand proud and confident at age 30, but when I look at my profile and saw the age and myself, I felt left behind by youth itself. "Finally the potion has been used up and what is left is the true ugliness of leftovers of a body that is deserted by youth."
Anyway, the main point, as can see, is this. I am desperate for a relationship, yet unsure of myself at the same time if I can hold on to someone that long. The self-dubious me really makes myself sick, and I do not know how can I fix this. Time does not seem to do the trick since I have been trying for years to overcome it.
If this is something that happens just like being struck by a bolt of lightning, then I wish I will get struck asap. Time is just running out for me to figure out myself.
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